Keep dreaming, keep running!

Completed the race and wanting to run away

2010-05-24T23:41:00.004+08:00

YOGOOD Team open-Young Eagles completed National Vertical Marathon 2010 yesterday. We completed the race and ran 63 storeys!! A picture speaks a thousand words. For pictures, visit my facebook profile! Well done YE!

Right now I really appreciate the existence of blogger, because now is very late so I have no one to turn to and pour out what happen today.
Just started working as Student Care Teacher at a center near my house. The time is very slow there although it is only 6 hrs each day. The kids are obviously reluctant to stay there and really rude to teachers. In such an environment, apparently not rewarding and I failed to keep cool before few rebellious kids, can't imagine how long I can stay there?

This caregiver job is not easy. They are consistently challenging me, thanks to them I got to know my teachers had a hard time with me, ops. God, can u make the hard ones disappear from there? Or at least get out of my sight.

My thoughts

2010-01-30T00:09:00.003+08:00

Genuine communication is done through constantly quality time between friends.

Communication breakdown is done through over long period of sms-ing, and msn.

'Don't bother' meaning u are in e' process of hardening your heart.

Complaining meaning u put a 'Stop' sign before u and keeps people away from you.

Love works like a bank, u have to first deposit an amount of love, then wait for interest to grow before u get back your love.
No deposit=no reciprocate=bankrupt

Human gone too far

2009-12-27T23:30:00.007+08:00

I watched a video just now. It really disgusted me and I could not finish in watching the video. I saw it from Hong's blog.

www.malepregnancy.com/
Warning: The video may cause viewer to feel uncomfortable.

Who said opinion is not important? As Mr Lee's blog stated through his blog, his views are surprising twisted from God's word. Knowing God or not makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE! Lord, I really feel thankful for knowing you.

Broken people- Emotional insecurity

2009-11-02T15:53:00.015+08:00

In Luke 5:31, Jesus said to scribes and Pharisees:"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Hence, a certain group of people-the broken souls, needed doctor badly. These groups of people are one of a kind, I can't help but feeling patience being tested constantly, and my energy was drained in dealing with them.

On the other hand, I cannot decline that it is not easy for them to stand up after the bad injuries from a fall, traumatic events, deprived of love, that’s why they needed someone to lend a hand and pull them up.
Sometimes they are selfish because they can only see and feel their emotional hurts. Recently I had a quarrel with that someone through sms. She really stumble me when I received a reply- May our friendships last. My immediate response was to ask that ‘dear friend’ to keep the word “friend” in her dictionary. I was so fury that I do not want to keep in contact with that person, if I can. I'm not close to her. I wanted to bar her phone numbers but I didn’t take any action because it was so burdensome and a waste of time and energy in dealing such people. How am I going to discipline her?
I could not describe how angry I am when I find no reason to excuse her childish acts.

All I wanted is PEACE. I cannot believe my eyes and ears that she called up my home and scolded my brother for not giving her my phone no. She thought that by not answering her calls is not a friend to her.
Another one keeps appearing in my life. Due to the living with insecurity, she chose to fake her look in order to keep her inner from being hurt. It works like this: “If people cannot see the “real” me, they cannot hurt me. If they upset the “outer” me, that’s okay.” As what I observed, this pattern has been going for a long period of time, and she still lives in her deception. It is up to her choice, I wanted to keep away from her too, but apparently I can’t.

Their minds are full of self-defense mechanisms - it can be very creative indeed.

One can never understands how they can wear you out till you encounter one. First, they wanted a listening ear. Then whenever they felt emotionally disturb, they will spam calls to the helper's phone or appear out of nowhere before the helper. It is interesting to know that you cannot find them easily, but they can track you down and come before you when they want. When they wanted to change and walked out of this negative belief:”I’m a victim of something”, they approached people to help them to overcome their struggles. But it never last, they are not willing to change and some of them rather die than facing the unknowns (fears) beneath the surfacing problem. So this pattern continues till the helper cannot take it anymore.
They failed to realize it takes more than feelings to change, it is about willingness. They are not willing to change, they are willing to feel self-pity, willing to prove it is impossible to change their belief, willing to escape the responsibility that comes with change.

I wanted to call it all stop. The nanny needs a rest. If I can get them out of my life, I will gladly do so.

Super pampered recently

2009-10-14T02:27:00.003+08:00

Just as ppl chatted about buying iphone, my dad surprised three of us with it last wk. I wanted to change my phone long ago but not bear to spend $$ and buy one. This phone is great for playing music and games but the sms function and bluetooth needed to be improved. Anyway, this is a gd phone.

Yup I know that I'm finacially blessed, thk God.

For the sake of log in?!?

2009-09-17T15:49:00.008+08:00

I don't feel the urge in updating here. The interest of blogging seems to be lost. Trend is over now. It come into my mind that it's quite silly to turn on the computer and put whatever in yr mind into words. And the trend now is Facebk! Haa, outdated alr. The latest is twitter, which i have no intention to discover it.

My cardboard had filled with many untouched shirts and dresses, not a big problem but i was thinking of a solution to clear up the mess and place in new stocks from mum and sis.

Okies, time to log out. What a random post -_-'''.

(I logged out and log in again) I remember what I intented to do! Haa, to post a link received recently:

QQS-Neverland
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/d5tXFtzlvHY/

Interesting Links

2009-08-01T03:21:00.004+08:00

I'm doing some research about Eden garden and 4 rivers, the first book written in bible, bible timeline and many parts and bits of deeper bible study and end up finding some interesting links..

There are few useful resources through internet:

Dead Sea Scrolls

Ed Silvoso's Presentation

Was trying to find a video about the scientists discovered Noah's ark and end up with results that 'claimed' finding the ark location with proof.

It is a waste if you don't spend some time and read it. Some SOL notes can be found in Ed Silvoso's Presentation.

I found many interesting facts about bible, i need some time to consolidate them. I hear my bed calling me, good night folks.

千牵手

2009-07-20T22:46:00.016+08:00

Hello everyone, I'm back from Shanghai (in case you don't know)!

First and thereforth I thank God and give ALL THE CREDITS TO HIM. I'm proud to share that my fund raising is a testi of Jehovah Jireh. I managed to raise money that needed for this trip by God's grace and He really provided sufficient and timely.

This was a fruitful trip and I really enjoyed myself. Made a group of new friends and visited many places. Don't feel like coming back in the last day.

God blessed me with a seat by the window inside the plane. I could play games and watch movie in SQ plane and the meal was good. This photo was taken when the plane was 3500metres above the land.

Sitting beside me was Mindy, she is one of the new volunteer from Hougang Club and I was amazed when I saw her in the potluck gathering. I never failed to be in awe with God's arrangement. And we became good friends after this trip.

We stayed in Shanghai ShangDe Experimental School for the first three days. I was told that it is a royal school for rich and smart in studies students. It is a boarding school with a primary school, junior and senior secondary schools.

Team 10- Neverland
Mindy, Xu Yi, Qi Qi, Du Ran, John, Zheng Yi, Troy, Yi Fei, Ye Dan and Me.

We learnt S-L and Project Smile there. And played a lot of games during project discussions. Thank God for helping us in the community service preparation because we spent a bit too much time in bonding (playing).

We learnt new dance.

The food served in school was good and comes in big portion. This was my breakfast. Nice right?

We had this as dinner in Wednesday. The beef noodles was chewy and QQ!

Our group serving group was Deaf and Mute youths. I learnt how to sign some lyrics of "隐形的翅膀". Photos were taken during set up before actual programme.

This was second time I felt awe in God's arrangement as I finally able to interact with them after learning some time of signing. But in the end i still need to use pen and paper to communicate.

Our service project: Ice breakers, Mute drama with magic tricks, Hand Sign a song, Magic trick learning time and Flower making session.

We finally got to shop on thursday. I ate the local "Xiao Long Bao" in a restaurant at 南京路! It was super delicious and juicy inside. The China friends taught to bite a small hole and suck out the soup first before I put it into my mouth. Inside filled with pork, I'm craving for it now. I tried the mini lobster and snail, yummy!

I took the local transport Bus, Mrt and Cab. The girl in pink was our group leader from there. She is very energetic and a good bargainer.

Local octopus ball with no filling but yummy and chewy.

We visited third tallest building in asia, Oriental Pearl Tower 东方明珠塔. The impression of night scenery from third tower and outdoor observation with glass floor is still fresh in my mind.

I took 350+ photos during the trip. It is hard to post all here.

But I found a song that can describle my feeling now: History maker from Delirious =)

My biggest take away from this trip is: Friendship, Service learning experience and God is my provider. It is good to serve God and Him only.

First Mission Trip

2009-07-10T00:38:00.005+08:00

My First Time

I'm going on my first mission trip, Shanghai on this coming Saturday morning.
This is a project for QQS and we are going to a school called Shang De to help out (hmn, if I'm not wrong, dont know what roles I am taking) in S-L.

This is so my first time taking plane, I wonder how it feels sitting inside?

I officially announce that I have raised $900 within one week, woo-hoo!
I thank God that I can used this as a testimony to prove that He is provider. I felt a big challenge when I needed to raise a big sum of money. I even thought of if anything crops up, at least I have a cheque and I could used it to pay off this trip. But deep down the bottom of my heart I knew this had defeat the purpose of fund raising and I am sicked and tired of choking up by these negative 'concerns' (worries) so I returned the cheque back to my dad.

Subsequencely, God spoke to few people and money just comes to me. It is an interesting story to hear from them how God spoke to them about it.

I have mix feelings now, exciting and nervous. This was beyond my imagination to travel overseas and with a group of strangers. I do feel that I been forced and need to grow up as I have many 'first time' through out this year but it is part and parcel of life. If this is not the time to try, when should I do it? And then during a dinner, someone asked me: Why I am going for this trip?

- I have a dream, I always wanted serve God in a mission trip. It is like an adventure and allows me to see how far I can go and assess myself after the trip in terms of strength, etc.

- I felt pounded to go, I have this feeling that if I go I will receive something there.

My objectives? (Seceret first!)

faith journey

2009-06-15T21:51:00.005+08:00

I'm going to QQS on July alone.

1. It is a faith journey to me, because I haven't submit my application form and now e' admin is away to China so I have to wait till 28th June to submit and collect my pledge card.

2. I persuaded my mum fo a long time and she finally allowed me to go.

3. I have little faith in raising money because it is beyond my imagination to raise 500 bucks in 2 weeks from .

In the past I couldn't even raised up to 50 bucks for my NKF card, let alone 500. I wondered is it the right time for me to go because my leave nearly not approved.

5. Many things are not right, work, family and one of my friend even joined in to express her "objection". I feel like laughing, i'm like putting up a show now.

6. Last friday on my way back home, I witnessed one girl got beaten up by 4 to 5malay boys. I felt disturbed because this could happened in Singapore, let alone China.. My show is so messy..

This indeed is a journey of faith, let's see how much I can grow in faith. I still want to go because it is my dream to go on a mission trip and serve God overseas from the bottem of my heart. It doesn't matter where though, hee. Maybe it matters a bit?

Random post

2009-06-01T19:37:00.004+08:00

I finally post here after a long time (maybe a month?)!

I wanted to say with my loudest tone: I need a break!
Can I have a day to slack? To play and have fun? God please answer Yes!!!

This Friday is my birthday. For those who knows or happen to read it, you are obligated to celebrate together with me, haa. Joking >_<>

I finally got baptist!

2009-04-28T20:49:00.012+08:00

People, I finally got baptist on last Friday at TCT.
When I was waiting for my turn to get baptist, I felt disappointed and a bit upset because the things did not turn out to be what I expected. Initially I wasn’t the last, but due to some reason I turned to be the last. And there were few reasons that made me felt disappointed.

Yet it was God that allowed these to happen so that I could experience the divine joy in a deeper level and could not mistaken joy was provided by other things.

Thank God for His sweet love and:

1. Fiona and Li Wee made time to go there

2. I received blessings from my parents, TOUCH friends, Kristine, Kwai Hoong, Grace, Joanne and Daryl. He was so sweet that he spent the effort to buy a figurine from precious moment and choose it according to my "style'.

3. Cell sisters' effort to bless me, Hoon and Hong, your gift is really unique, I will make use of the lamp...

4. Janice, Elieen and Chavonne, thanks for yr blessing by coming..

5. A verse from God, he spoke through Zhong yu and chavonne =) I love the CD FAITH 2 from chavonne. This was a divine gift that was the same present I bought for zhongyu.

6. Roxanne's encouragement when we were waiting to go in baptism pool.

This is the figurine from them:

Very sweet and cute right?

For the rest of photo I will upload to facebook.

countdown to my baptism

2009-04-20T16:21:00.004+08:00

Count down 5 days to my baptism!!!

Ben & Jerry

2009-04-14T14:12:00.003+08:00

Ben & Jerry Free Cone Day on 21st Apr!

Ice creams is flying in front of my eyes. Haha

I'm getting baptism!

2009-04-12T21:51:00.004+08:00

I am getting baptist! I didn’t thought of getting baptism till March teens encounter camp. If God didn’t speak to me, I might drag a long time before making a decision. God spoke though PS during a session that there is no unbaptism Christian but I didn’t want to think about it because I thought it was too fast for me.

There were few concerns in my mind, first I haven’t pray for a date, I want a special and memorable date. Second I haven’t pray for a Christian name and third it was hassle for me to inform so many people to come for baptism service. Thank God that He forgave me for these excuses and continued to shower me with his goodness through small way.

I may not always experience ‘good’ feelings that was so real and made me feel good, and God would not always show me big wonders and sign. He may not grant all my wishes and let me do what I want or speak to me in the way I wanted Him to do that.

I used to think why I always remained calmed during alter call and don’t have big signs and wonders, God did you really come down and touch my heart?

It was till G12 conference that God showed me He wired me in a different way and spoke to me in a way that I can receive. He spoke to me in alter call though things that I observed so that I could processed and digested it. I could receive word from Him even when I was waiting for bus alone so that I knew He is with me. He assured me that I did not need to depend on people to receive word or msg from Him and He could speak to me anytime He wanted. I may not always ‘feel’ Him, but I know He is with me. He taught me not to let my emotions control me, but guide me how to direct my feelings so that I will not be easily lead astray. God let me know I am special because he is with me every day and guide me though little things.

It was not just because of these reasons that I wanted to get baptism, I wanted to obey God and pleased Him after dragging for so long=) Now I want something special, I wanted my baptism card to be special and experience God in a deeper level.

Monday

2009-03-30T12:47:00.007+08:00

Yah Yah~

Feel so sick now. Tired..

This is a month of surprises.

Thank God for:

1. Serving as a log in March encounter camp (by ps roll).
2. Partner with Bryan and lead a group in Chinese Culture Camp .
3. Knowing a group of fun and noisy friends in Touch.
They are very fun =)
4. Deeper bond with children and know other volunteers better in tya bbq.
Joan, one of e' new volunteer of YA and I were in e' same group of teens encounter camp 07 .
Amazing right?
5. Chances to practise project smile magic tricks and guide e students in BTSS and TK.
6. Attending SOL2!!!
Chavonne and I got into this class by God's help.
7. Attending lesson with ML =)
I have more chances to fellowship with her.
8. Found my camera charger after a long time.
9. Privilege to see krithi's growing in Christ
10. Knowing e' important of team work and can cope better
Teamwork, a word that dreads me in past. I'm so thankful to god for helping me to grow and teach me new stuffs.

Finally i join facebook! Hurray!

Chinese Culture Camp

2009-03-24T13:13:00.007+08:00

Update~ Last week i was involved in chinese culture camp, was a different experience because i partner with Bryan from serangoon club to lead a group in children. Thk god for him, if not i cannot survial through e' it. How would e camp be without him? It will be in real mess. And my group kids cannot get along with children from another club. Getting the kids to share e' same table was so hard, they just don't want to eat tgr. And i have someone complained they were 'bullied' or 'rejected' by other kids. Kids stuff, it hurts me when they come to me and point finger at one another. But they are very cute when they shared things and stuff with me, asking for my contact no and so on. My energy drained very fast when i lead them as i have to be alert and watch after them. It leads me to pastor denny mention in encounter camp: Guides account for lives, Logistic accounts for things.

This was third month in Touch, three sappers plus one trainer are leaving for various reason. I thk God for e' time we spent tgr though there were some conflicts and misunderstanding.

I have some photos, upload later =) Have a good day.
To kristine: don't watch too much korea drama, i recommand u to watch me =p

Year of Camps

2009-03-02T11:23:00.006+08:00

This week I'm going to teens encounter camp. I feel honour that someone needs my accompany but i need to work on Monday. God please provide me leave on Monday!!! I need to lead worship on Monday, omgosh.. This is year of camps, there is another Chinese culture camp in march. After that is survivor camp and just happens to fall on June. July or August we are thinking of going to QQS. At the end of the year there is a tya family tour. Camps, work, consume my energy and money.. Hee but i like it because i can learn to be independent. April is coming, which means i need to start thinking what to do after that.

I'm been burying myself in teens encounter notes. The notes from My Hope Singapore just happen to serve in use. Yesterday it is so happening that Hong was reading about teens suicide and i had a glance at the book. CS just came into my mind and god wanted to tell me don't play anymore because it promotes violent and demonize. Conclusion: No more Counter Strike for me.

discipline

2009-02-12T23:32:00.006+08:00

This month e staff devotion topic is still on devotion. I am quite shocked that some thinks that show discipline with love can be through harsh way.

From that, i made a table and this is how it would happen if you show love through harsher way:

The thoughts

Reaction

Result

The one who implement discipline:

People remember Hard lesson longer, they will not forget easily.

People who receive discipline: You ignore my feelings, I can’t blame with you because you think you are doing well for me.

The way is too aggressive, you are too unreasonable.

Anger: they didn’t hear in my words

Sad: my word is not important

Disappointed: they will never change

Anger: they didn’t hear me out

Sad: my feelings are not important

Disappointed: they will never care about me

Worn out? How about the discipline part? I will continue my way because I know the best for them.

I can choose to listen, but I will not agree with what you say.

Which part above made the people who receive discipline felt love?

No matter how much the intention is good, if the ppl you need to discipline doesnt feel love, then can it still be discipline with love?

Is there a better way? =)

ALA

2009-02-05T13:05:00.014+08:00

Okay now is ALA, after lunch activity. Today's activity is blogging. Haas, I'm talking to myself. It was a long time since last post, supposedly. There were quite few times i typed half way through e post and we had to rush to do other stuff. Hope I will not get 'disturb' by someone this time. My mind is in blank now, there are so many things i wish to throw into post but i have no idea where to start.

Sigh, since I don't know where to start, i will change a topic (is there any topic in e first place?). This week I had a hard time in getting used to something. I feel vex when someone over concern me because i feel restricted. My heart was shouting "Please leave me alone and let me try out first".

Sigh, 'nan de ' I can blog now, i want to blog something happy. "Happy"! I need time to rest, because tired people doesn't work well. I need to do my research le.. (no link in e' last part)

Time to relax

2009-01-18T19:48:00.009+08:00

I spend almost this week in RGS. The girls in my group are sweet and crappy. It opens my eye sight and i gain positive/negative experience through activity and people. I began to explore different levels of discipline through the trainers. Haa, i miss my journal! I felt uncomfortable when i did not write for 5days. Hot Milo and my book is waiting for me at home, but i often tuck into bed around 11pm.

Today i am able to heat up my dinner, do my whatever stuff and drink Milo, finally..

Happy New Year

2009-01-07T23:53:00.004+08:00

Happy new year 2009 to whoever reads!
Time have a pair of big wings, because it flies very fast. This year is 2009, i haven't buy new clothe and adapt to new environment. Recently i enjoy the time walking to mrt station, because i can make full use of that moment to do my reflection. I need to be alone when walking, but i cant =( I wish to share more, but i need to sleep. My dream will be: God please give me some personal time for walking to mrt!!

PS: What a weird post..

praise him

2008-12-22T12:29:00.004+08:00

IN GOD I'VE FOUND EVERYTHING!

first time serving in choir

2008-12-09T01:05:00.009+08:00

I have served in choir on last Sunday. It is a new experience for me!! For the first time i have to be alert during worship. And as the trainer quote from mat 5:14, says that we are e' light of e' world so we must not show weary face during anytime in worship. I felt quite nervous before Sunday, not because the place turn from ground to stage. It is b'cose i haven't memorize e' dance steps. For the goodness sake, my music intelligence is quite low. The songs I listen of are worship songs only. My mind respond low interest to music. Which means, I am weak in music =(

True enough, i danced few mistakes of e' song, Lord of all. It is my favourite praise song some more! And to be noted, I'm in e' first row. Chances of being spotting is high. After we settled down for sermon, i felt discouraged (a more concise word is stupid) of myself. I may managed to sort out my thoughts and feelings immediately to concentrate for sermon, but i still have e' tendency to punch my chest(don't ask me why although i am quite stable, haa. OK, obviously i am still feeling low). At this very moment, i received a sms from my cute Felix's mum, chye hoon. Thk God for speaking through her sms, i am motivated and filled with strength again.

It is a different experience, i thought i will be very nervous on stage. It turns out I'm have no problem with that. This is b'cose my eyes are fixing on e' trainer and ears are open to e' music. I need to be alert. And the people below stage are as small as ants. Thk God for that, it greatly reduced my anxiety. It is a wonderful experience to serve together with pastor Evelyn and her tribe girls. Thk God i manage to serve in choir on last month of Sabbath. If not next year we have to sign on if we are keen in serving choir. Hahahaha, i know God you have hear the voice in my heart, i wish to serve in choir at least once before end of youth net work. Thk god for speaking to me and guide me through Exo 3:12.

Stress

2008-11-18T13:37:00.006+08:00

Sometimes we got emotional easily and react reversal according to usual behavior.
Some people don't know what to do with their life, spend a lot of time to search their identity through friends, psychological test and outing trips or run away from reality.

They often let others make important decisions for them, afraid to be alone, being depressing, being self-centered, taking criticism personally, suffer from low confidence, being stubborn, blaming others.
It may be normal to react in these way sometimes but it may be a warning signal if it is excessive .
They might found themselves abnormal and burnout easily by people and things.
They thought something is wrong with them and hope to find a solution as quick as possible.

If you ask them what is their problem?
They would reply:"I DON"T KNOW."

Then they may lead you to a guessing game: What are the solutions?
Or you will end up being their emotional support without knowing what is going on.
So what is going on in their mind?
They are the only one knows.
But one fact is they are experiencing special emotions to them.

These unknown special emotions may cause by Stress.
A few people going through stress without their knowing.

What is stress?
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~chd/resources/stress/index.html

Are you experiencing stress?
http://www.cmha.ca/BINS/content_page.asp?cid=4-42-216

Effects of stress ...
... On your body
... On your thoughts and feelings
... On your behavior
Headache
Chest pain
Pounding heart
High blood pressure
Shortness of breath
Muscle aches
Back pain
Clenched jaws
Tooth grinding
Stomach upset
Constipation
Diarrhea
Increased sweating
Tiredness
Sleep problems
Weight gain or loss
Sex problems
Skin breakouts
Anxiety
Restlessness
Worrying
Irritability
Depression
Sadness
Anger
Mood swings
Job dissatisfaction
Feeling insecure
Confusion
Burnout
Forgetfulness
Resentment
Guilt
Inability to concentrate
Seeing only the negatives
Overeating
Undereating
Angry outbursts
Drug abuse
Excessive drinking
Increased smoking
Social withdrawal
Crying spells
Relationship conflicts
Decreased productivity
Blaming others

Prevention is always better than cure!
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~chd/resources/stress/busters.html

A helpful tip is to control your thoughts, understand how you feel and practice caution with your actions.

And be remind that You are a human, you are not your God of yourself =)

2008-11-12T20:06:00.002+08:00

I am still learning how to be more organize when doing my stuff,

I received below from God at one night:

4 steps to be more organized in doing things
• Planning is a must – involves focus on goal
• Preparation is important – involves time management
• Practice is the key to success – involves self discipline
• Perseverance (Press on for the race)– Try your best and God will do the rest (quote from Sunday sermon by nick)

Setting goal is always the diffcult step to me. I have to learn to be SMART in setting goal.
Because Whoever said nothing’s impossible obviously never tried to nail jelly to a tree.

I have learned alot though Friday counselling class. The class may cover simple principles, but i learned alot and gain more insight into counselling.

Counselling is NOT SAME as our conversations between friends and people.
Counselor is not providing solutions.
They are trained to walk out solutions together with client.

Does this sounds familar to you? Yeah, it reminds me of Holy Spirit.

Woo Hoo~

2008-10-30T00:17:00.008+08:00

If you are waiting for my new post (master piece), then here it goes~

It has been a long time to my last post.
My mind is in blank now, ops..

This few months is a fruitful time for me, i bury myself with books.
I have learned study is NOT SAME AS reading.
I have a habit of running my eyes over a book.
This is a simply wasting of time and is not productive.
So how shall I do? The Q in SQ3R method is good to me.
I am still learning to form questions when i read.
Do not hesitate when at sermon you see a wood sitting, that is me. I am learning to concentrate to the sermon.
It is a hard skill, yet i want to master it.

I wish to eat ice cream now.
I want to throw away comics.
I realized i spent much at it.
Hmm, pardon me.
Good night.

2008-08-27T16:38:00.005+08:00

Someone reminded me that my 'one year commitment' going to end at next month and advised me to do a reflection for it. Since i am clueless with the starting point, so i decided to read through my journal this afternoon to do my reflection. As Plato said a life unexamined is not worth living. So i want my life to be worth living, who will not? I spent 2 hours for reading and I guess i had wrote too many pages throughout the days. Till now i have not finish with the reading.

A sharing on how i felt:
In the past i found it quite hard to manage my thoughts and emotions but i have learned to identify my feelings and managed my thoughts. Even through there are times when i am quick to judge and run into wrong conclusion, there is always a way out no matter how big the burden in my heart felt. When i read back about the 'problems' i faced on past, i will question myself why i am struck at there? It is reasonable for us to feel that way when something occurs. I do blame on situations. I played 'Blame Game' but did not reflect about my thoughts.

It sounds reasonable and seems logical to me blaming at circumstances but is this right? I often think that situation caused me to feel that way and it is not my fault. Alert! God said that we need to take responsibility for my feelings, thoughts and actions in responding to my troubles.

Consider this scenario (from a book i;m reading currently):
At last Sunday, a friend passed by Jane without any greeting at church service. Jane's trouble in the moment was her friend's ignoring her. Jane felt lonely and hurt by her friend's rejection. What kind of thought she had? Maybe her friend don't want to befriend with her anymore. Or she was angry with Jane over something she did. Her feeling are true and powerful.

Jane felt terrible and don't know what to do about it. She was upset over this incident. When the following Sunday come and to Jane's surprise, her friend gave her a big smile and hug and asked her why was she not there at last Sunday? Jane was shocked. It is true that Jane friend was not purposely ignoring her. Jane suffered genuine and intense feeling of hurt and sadness last week. Not because her friend didn't say hi to her, but Jane interpreted in a negative way.

This story brings upon reflection upon my thoughts and emotions, what causes me to feel in some way is what inside me but not outside me.

A Tree and Its Fruit 43"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

I remember a friend of mine thought Christian life was bored. Who said so? It is so fun and I loved it. I laughed through reading my journal, haha. Be it peanut or big burden matter, this is not just about my problems. It is all about God =)

Love

2008-08-13T15:19:00.011+08:00

Love

What is love? In dictionary definition is a great feeling of affection for and devotion to another person. Someone says love is as long as you love another person, everything you does is worth it. TV often quote love is blind and it hurts.
Recently i was writing a compo and nothing could come out from my mind except 1 Cor 13. To my surprise, I actually don't really know how to write about love. My devotional book wrote Love is something we learn since young. If one is born into a family that filled with love, then it is very easy for one to love others. Where as one who does not receive love from family will find very hard to show love. So i continue to read up some article to find out how others think about love and i came across something which attracts my attention:

Are You Really Ready for Love? The Capacity to Receive Love

There are two broad reasons why some people cannot easily allow themselves to ask for, or let love in: they are afraid of it, or they feel they don’t deserve it. Consider the possibility that you may fear intimacy. You may feel unsafe and so deprive yourself of the gift of closeness.

Often we think about love is the feeling we have for others but we often ignore how to receive love from people surrounding us? Opposite sex? Not necessarily. Why are you ignoring family, friends, sisters, brothers and even God?

I was stumble when sometimes i found out actually i need to learn how to receive love from people i know. There are times i am blessed with their act of service but actually i don't feel loved from them. Being myself i am blessed by God that identity my emotional is not a hard task to me. Am i happy when someone brought me a gift during my birthday? Not really. How about a gift comes with meaningful thought? Maybe slightly felt loved. Oh my god, how do i solve it?
I need to learn how to express my desire of love =) As one shoe cannot feed all side, our love cannot feed different kind of desire love and it implies the same to us as well. Being honest and open to people is a good way to express the need of our love language, if we hides our needs inside our heart, there is no way another know how to show love to you.

Some more things i wish to share about: EMOTIONAL.

Be honest with our feelings
While there are people who are not honest with our emotional. When God is MIA when i am feeling low. I felt angry as I THOUGHT God did not keep his promise for faithful to me by staying my side. But i know i shouldn't felt at that way, so i try to ignore this feeling and correct my feeling to be positive. It failed. In the end my heart left guilty towards God. It is important to be honest with yourself and name your feeling even though you wish you weren't feeling a particular emotional. Being honest with God about how i felt really helps. A short to share: And God has proven me that he is faithful when he speaks to me in my least expectation.

Do not let your emotional control over you
There are many kinds of people in the earth. Somebody being rule by emotional. They act based on how they feel. But our feeling ought to inform us, not to control us. Our emotional are real but may not be truth at all times.

Sharing our emotional
What if I wish to share it all out so that i can feel better but it will hurt others? I ought to be honest with them! The truth is you want to share it out your true (which comes with ugly) feelings. And it left no space for the person to defend for himself because your feelings are genuine. You may feel better but someone else get hurt in emotional without your knowing.

Give careful thought to your ways. Haggai 1:7

Our emotional are a very real part of who we are as human beings. However, it is not always helpful to share our feeling we have with someone else. Our emotional can be intense and real, but it tainted with our own sin and pride. In our psychology culture, we are encourage to "share it all out" for the sake of feeling better. But God did never endorses such self centered motives.
Being honest with myself is not the same as letting it all hang out. Blurting out ugly feelings might provide some sort of relief, but it is never beneficial to the hearer or to the relationship. A more healthier way i choose is to write it out in a journal and share with God how i felt. Some things are better left tucked in if i know my purpose of sharing out is for my self-centre motives.

Jesus Reigns

2008-08-07T13:19:00.016+08:00

A book was written with:
When troubles come our way, most of us respond by trying to change the situation or the person we believe causes the trouble in our life.Party A wanted Party B to change by becoming more organized and careful. Party B wanted Party A to change by becoming less angry and more accepting.

The biggest pushing button in our life- the people we interact with and closest to.
We tell ourselves if only they would be more lovely, more submissive, more dominant, more whatever you can add and we could respond better to them and not get upset with them.
We are playing a waiting game, i change if when you do.
One of the problem is they are not being patience with themselves and with the other party. And they do not slow down and take a couple of minutes to think back. It is importance for self examination of your heart.

I came across a website and it says:
What are some beliefs of people who lack patience?

I should be able to do this faster and better than what I am.
They should understand me the first time and not need me to repeat myself.
There is no way that I can ever be helped to change. I am an impossible case.
I can't stand things being out of order. It makes me nervous and upset with such disarray.
There is a right way and a wrong way to do things. Why is it that everyone I come in contact with chooses the wrong way?

How to be more patience?
I learn to appreciate psalms better each time i study them. Psalms 37 is a song of patience to me.
David was in great danger and yet he continue to trust in Lord. His life is a great example of trusting God. I see patience as life learning lesson. We can be more and more patience each new day but patience is not something we have fully mastered.

A few ways to help:

Hand over and let go of the worries, concerns, anxieties, and doubts about attaining your goal to God. Sounds easy but yet hard to attain. I thank God for being strict yet patience with me. He show me my flaws, and wait for me to grow patiently. There are times when i could not sense his presence and I am angry with Him, but He will find ways to remind me that doesn't mean He is not there for me.

Be systematic in planning your path to recovery and growth.

Accept, understand, and forgive yourself for being fragile, imperfect, and weak. God need to become your own best friend and cheerleader. Love yourself. I came some people who loves to sabotage their achievement when they slightly felt happiness or being affirmed for something they really did well. This broke my heart. They are too used in hurting themselves, be it physically or emotionally. This type of people doesn't treat themselves well. They believe in they do not deserve anything better. A slightly affirmation or a task when handed to them can turn into a big stress for them. Because they are too used to think "I am incapable" in their mind, they ruin it. In the end, they do not love themselves in their mind and their beliefs are they do mistakes in whatever they did. Mistakes doesn't deserve love.
Listen! People are a product of their past. But once you let go of your past and not letting it to hold over you, you will see the light in your life. God called you to be light of this world. How can light be mistake when God called his children the light of the world? We need to put in extra effort for taking care of our beliefs, attitudes and thoughts because these are part of our mind. A healthy emotional handling skills need to be fully developed because we are the light. How can you be defeated by darkness in your mind and heart if you are light of the world?

Accept the reality of your humanity in that you are going to need time, effort, and energy to change and grow. You will experience some resistance to altering long standing, habitual ways of acting, reacting, and believing.

This song is sang during worship in last Sunday service.
God's attractive is written in the lyrics and attracted me to listen each time when i turn on my computer. Hmn, got nothing to do with the above contents, haha :p

Glorious Redeemer - Christian City Church Oxford Falls

100% to God and crown

2008-07-18T01:20:00.004+08:00

My world is so beautiful again.
Last few days I been feeling mood less, restless and mild confused in mental state.
Only God knows why last 2 months my stomach had digested so many medicines because of cold/flu. He is reminding me dont neglect or play with my health.
Ops, actually I don't bother put in effort in take care of my body.
Because i play with my health in past, now I am easily caught with Flu and Cold.
I need to eat more pig lungs to strengthen my lungs so that it will not sensitive to Cold weather (part about pig lung is chilly crab).

No one likes to be weak in terms of body or ability. Me too.
But, (pause for a while) actually did i give in 100% effort in doing things?
Yet I desire 100% in result.

And this is my summarize:

Don't except your outcome to be the best
if you never put in your best effort at the first place.

Logical?
How about using this to communicate with God?
I'm still trying and discipline in this area.
Haha i know i'm become more mature. This is not thick skinned by the way, it is define as self-appreciation.

After i still my heart, I felt so peaceful and everything looks good to my eyes(thanks to God).
People are bother by different things.
What is matter to you right now and emotionally affect you?
This is trial. But Thank God that there is a promise that we can claim!
In james 1:12 it says that:
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Cool!
If you observe the James chapter 1 actually, it says that trial develop perseverance.
And to those who love God and pass the test, you will receive the crown of life.
Have you ever thought this crown of life represent victory and authority from Christ?
You are winner in your journey even the situation says the opposite.

Trial shapes our life and cause us to be more mature, consider it a joy because you are heading a step near to Christ-like.
Something else play a curial role and this is self discipline.
And there is no such thing as being discipline as you can.
You can always be more discipline as you can unless you are satisfied with current level.

Giving up is not the choice, stand in your both feet and run again.
Let's run together towards God and receive the crown from Him.

Internal voice vs god's voice

2008-07-04T15:35:00.022+08:00

Recently i had been hiding at home to revise.
And there is one thing i can be sure of, time is not enough.
Because my mind keep thinking "Time is running out, faster",it cause me to lost my interest in other things including seeking god everyday.
Although God show me is time to exercise my Will and don't lead by the internal voice within me, i still spending most of my time in studies.
The only different is: I know God is with me. my thoughts in my mind causes me to be unstable, but He stills my heart.

God surface my heart condition within me this week:

"In order to get good result, I got to spend more time in revising and studying."
"In order to know understand the concepts of algebra, i must finish reading the book that i borrow. Oh no, due date of the book is approaching, how?"
"God, how am i going to do?"
"Speak to me so i will know what to do, and God why didn't you reveal more about yourself to me today?"
"Why are you keeping quiet again?"

My voice: God speak to me!
Why are you keeping quiet again?
God: Yizi, i'm here! (Waving his hands in big action to me)

Recently, God made me desire in learning The Art of Listening to His Voice.
Jesus tells, "My sheep listen to my voice"(john 10:27)

It is important to exercise our Will to discipline our Mind and recognize our internal voice in our heart before we can listen to God's voice.

I love to think a lot, pondering in many things and feel my mind with lots of weird thinking.
U must be wondering, isn't that tough?
Maybe i got used to it.

And when my thoughts reach to a certain level, it create a internal voice and store in my heart.
This stires me up when i caught up in some situation, I will lead by my internal voices instead of focus on God.

- Sometimes i like to be right because of the voice of Self-Righteous tells me and direct my action.

-Beware of the voice for Self-Pity, it will cause you to be self central in your feeling: "You've rough day today. No one understand how difficult it is for you. How could you excepted to be mature or obey God? It's not fair."

-The voice of Self-indulgence likes to 'whisper' loudly to me:"You deserve to be happy! Go ahead, it won't hurt anyone."

-While this voice is recognize by everyone:"You really blew it, and again. God is unpleased with you. Who do you think you are? You miserable failure." He is Self-Condemnation.

Oh my god, how am i going to do?
If you are thinking the same as me, is time to exercise your Will and control your mind.

These internal is not just created by us, The Greatest Deceiver Satan plays a part in it.
As Jesus said, my sheep listen to my voice, i need to discipline my mind with my Will and tune in to His voice.
Besides discipline and control my mind, God's grace is most that i need.

There is one way to get out when in caught with your internal voice, Think God first before let your emotion to be lead by your mind.
Don't listen to your voice when you feeling low.
Besides, God show me that He will help me to generate my thoughts and sort out feeling=D

This is just a new beginning of my learning journey with God.

2008-06-25T03:17:00.010+08:00

I realize i really like to choose to blog at midnight.
So this blog is going to finish in 10 minutes. (hope so)

This Friday is tribe camp and I'm quite looking forward to it because our whole cell is turning up for this camp.
I look forward to know more about God.

Thinking back i can never ever think that how much God has transform my mind.
Just pondering back in last year jun Cluster Camp I am still a free thinker and living in my whole world.
I don't really care about how others thought of me and other 'small' stuff.
But right now God's has reveal to me this world is not just about me =)

And last time i only do things that i like but now there is slightly different now, I will do things that God likes.
There are times whereby new friends i know thought i am 'old Christian'.
Who will know how difficult i behave at last year of the month now?

And even after this September which is the end date of one year commitment that I had chose to committed myself to God only, this is just a beginning of my journey with Lord.
This is not the end, but the beginning.

He has teach me of how many blessing he had blessed me and now is time for me to bless others, starting with the people around me.

For the tribe camp, I pray that Mei Lian will know His great love for her.

As for us, God you will continue to transform our bad to good in our characters so that we will grow to be young woman of God.

Top of all, reveal to us more about you that we don't know, draw each of our hearts more closer to you O Lord.

Believe

2008-06-18T14:52:00.005+08:00

John 6:29
Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

I learned something this week: About My Faith.
Faith- Believe
Believe in HIM (Jesus).
The only work that i need to do.

I am one of them who think i got to work/do something to receive god's blessing.
Ha ha I'm been laughing at myself for being so little faith in some area of my life.

U don't have to do anything except LOVE HIM and BELIEVE IN HIM.

Luke 10:27
27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'...

Love- Show your love to god
Express your love i your love language and start with little things.

With all your heart-
I got two interpretation for this:
1. Do it without any holding back.
Give your heart to God.
Keep yourself pure in front of Him.
By doing so, you will experience something that you may not know.

2. Notice the word All?
If there is any emotional attach to your heart, speak to Jesus about it.
Complain to Him, share with Him, Talk to Him and Ask Him.
Don't divide your heart and guard it with all your strength.
If there is a need to discipline yourself in some way, go ahead and do so.

3. With All Your Soul
Who are you?
Are you (fill it with your name) or are you a child of God?
Decide it today in your heart and remind yourself when it slip out of your mind.

4.With all your mind
This is simple yet tough.
Thinking of God is very simple but you need to think about him with ALL your mind.
As i experience before, if you consistently think of god, he will not let u down by surprise you with some little thing.

Coming back to faith,

I do not need to do anything except believe in Him.
And i know what i do now is my simple way of expressing to Him..

God's princess

2008-06-13T02:01:00.011+08:00

Last Saturday i am blessed by the girls act of service and i throughly felt loved by them.

They booked a room in sol block and planned many surprise for me
and the most touched my heart is the idea of God's princess and their act of service.
Woh thinking back our sisters relationship is deeply bonded by many things, despite of all our differences and unique character, it is quite miracle to see them working together, haha.

I heard they shared a lot of fun and little event pop out during preparation.
Update me more~
The most surprise me and sweeten my heart is Chye Hoon got this idea from GOD! I loved it!
With god, everything is possible, even though this little party may seem small but it is warmth to me, hehe.
And as i mention before, actually i am very easy to pleased.
U just need to apply some technique and it will work.
Girls you got it right this time, remember my love language? Haha..

I am very happy to see them laughing when i did not follow their instructions that will lead me to the laptop.
Yah and not to forgot Chye Hong did a video for me and this video nearly melt my heart on the spot.
Li Wee also help me in make up after i change the dress, credit to her!
Her make-up technique is quite skillful.
Mei Lian blessed my day a lot with her act of service and her concerns to me.
Kala also turned up with her boyfriend Vik and not to forget my sweet little cousin, Christina.
Thank God for her and i am able to chat more with her because she is actually quite shy.
And Rox and Leo, i can never thank God enough when i saw the message they wrote on the book they give it to me.
It is quite a waste that Siling Mei Mei cannot make it but its ok because her birthday is coming soon~ I can see her on that day.

For the two missing girls, haha i had received their present and i had actually got chance to meet up with my eldest cousin Chye Xia.
We had a great time in sharing before service on next day before service and i thank God for this mature and big sister.
Although we may not have many chances in meeting up, but she never fail in giving me a lovely big sister feeling.
As for Ku Ku Chavonne, haha you are always kuku in my mind.

Isn't it a blessing with spenting time with these girls?

And these are the birthday gifts including the white princess dress from them, it must had burnt a big hole in their pocket.

Although i had mention No books, No soft toy and No stationary prefer but two out of three category i had received from them. *shake my head

The gift i loved most is a simple yet nice bracelet they had chose and the Cds, this CD is a right choice to me because lyrics in smooth worship song speaks a lot to me.

And by the way now is going to be three am,ops i got to sleep or tml u will see a panda in TTSH.
It is so fast, tml is my last day in TTSH.
Gd night all~

Jesus is the Lord

2008-06-01T22:48:00.008+08:00

Three points had preached in today sermon:

#1 There is a eternal God who created us
#2 Jesus Christ is the eternal God who lived among us
#3 God has revealed his truth and his grace to us

Sounds easy and being "Christian", we already been taught this truth and we lived with it already isn't it?

But as i go ponder deeper in this three points during QT, it requires me a lot of faith to believe and accept it-(from the second day of encounter camp).

#1 There is a eternal God who created us
Yes, it is very easy for me to believe after second day of encounter camp.
At that very minute in camp i was amazed by how simple but yet how great of God is when he revealed his truth to me.
I still remembered when everyone was praying in the room and at that time being a free thinker i did the same, lower my head, closed my eyes and hugged my kneecaps try to ignore the surrounding around me.

Then i did the same thing as usual, question myself with unusual question:
Why am i in that room? (I always like to ponder in this kind of thoughts)
I, being a human why am i on this earth?
Why are there humans on this earth?
Just then a thought came into my mind and answer my question that all the science expert could not answer- God created us on this earth.

It is as simple as ABC, God HE CREATED US AND THIS UNIVERSAL.

#2 Jesus Christ is the eternal God who lived among us
It require me a lot of faith to believe in Jesus.
Thinking back of Muar trip in last year, i specially and seriously prepared myself to search this answer because i cant sense GOD totally.
I stubbornly hold on to him(GOD) because i don't believe that what i encountered before was false.
I still remember i wrote this in my journal during the third day:
I understand God with my thoughts and analyze Him
and
Jesus God is not someone whom i can analyze reasoning with my logical thoughts.

I am still struggle in this problem because i loved to rely on my strength to understand God when reading bible but thank GOD for watching over me every second.
He is there to guide me in this journey.

I was once lost but now i am found.
He is with me every second.

#3 God has revealed his truth and his grace to us
I am able to praise Him because He had found me.
Truth has been revealed long long ago before I was born and I am born to accept His truth.
Jesus is truth, He brings the truth because He is the truth.
His grace is beyond explanation with words. (not because my hands are tired)

I was lost but now i am found because Truth is with me.
I am here to testis who he is and how great is he! Praise Him!

For the prophecy part i will 'try' to update when i receive the recording because i had forgot the contents.
But if you are lost in current situation like me, Psalm 121 will help you.
Don't trust my words, trust God.

Mighty to save

2008-05-26T19:40:00.005+08:00

My heart never felt so thankful for God before.
I thank god for all our pastors in church especially Pastor Khong, isnt he a charismatic Man of God?
Compare to a youth pastor whom take his words lightly during preaching in sermon that i attend recently, i truly praise GOD for our church, FCBC.
I am proud of our church, i love our service's worship and sermon.

But i know God can make good out of bad. Because He is God.

Looking to back and thinking of past, it is such an miracle to me for this day.
I have the opportunity attend LOS after encounter camp to know more about God and have a formation by God.
I have the right click, right people to guide me and help me.

It is truly miracle for me as a girl whom receive Jesus on last year july.
So many changes within and around me in less than a year. Woh, praise God!

Mighty To Save

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

the core of our heart

2008-05-12T14:59:00.009+08:00

Time for Spiritual Check-Up!
Yesterday while having dinner with my family, my Rubik cube screw got loose and the cube pieces literally came apart.

After my unsuccessful fixing for my Rubik cube, it made me realize that it is so important to protect our core for spiritual life, which is our heart.

So how is your heart condition?
The screw for my Rubik came loose is because i often play with it and i didnt give it a 'rest'.
I twisted it too often, causing the screw to loose which is one of the main core that link other parts of pieces.
And yesterday, the cube finally 'surrender' and the pieces drop out one by one within few seconds in my brother's hand.
If i had keep an eye of it and take notice of the symptom that this object show, this cube will not be in many pieces now instead of a Whole Fine Piece.
ThisRubik cube reminds me the importance of our Core.

Our Journey with GOD
If we allow other things to came into our core (heart), we were end up tearing ourselves apart in just matter of time.

Not believe? Try It.
Try and work/study for 5 days and go on for your commitment in weekend but without spending time with God, you will be tired regardless of how many time u had rest.
Where is your time with God?
Only Sunday and the spirit of visiting or encounter with God drop upon you for few hours but it disappear after the service end?
Be it physical body or spiritual heart, it will came apart soon or later.

Your Christian life will be busy but ineffective.
I thank God for reminding me this.
My body is so tired and heavy and i thought i'm just being lazy in my mind so i self declare a holiday for me today.
But after a morning nap my body is even more tired.
Ignoring this feeling, i have a plan of making full use of this day to settle many things.
Cleaning my room, doing laundry and revising some stuff within today so i won't 'waste' today.

But i don't have energy to do all these, i am still tired right now, my body is ache all over because of 6 hours average sleeping over last few weeks plus ignoring a minor flu.
So right now I'm suffering, Ache and the feel of vomit after consuming food.

This little lesson taught me the importance of core, our heart condition.
I thought of memorizing verses will make up of the loss of QT but it only end up that i am 'eating" the words of God without going to God.

Tommy Tenney's seminar also remind me don't end up eating the menu instead of the main dishes.

God is my main dishes, my favorite chocolate stuff, rice, curry and hotplate chicken!
Oh no, I am referring to the encounter of God.
Yes, i had made up my mind that my 'Heart' will not satisfy over small percentage of Wisdom for God.
I want more and more! More and more! More!

After all, we should love God with ALL OUR HEART AND OUR MIND AND OUR SOUL.
Have you just notice heart come first?
With all our heart, since heart is the first and main of all, surrender your heart to God and fill in ponders about God in your mind, present your soul to God.
And He will cause you to ride on the clouds!

It is such an amazing that i always have the chance to go deeper enlightenment of verses I've memorized.

Yes but i want more and more!

New Chapter, new experience

2008-05-01T01:48:00.006+08:00

Working in TTSH is a new experience and eyesight to me.

Beside learning the basic skills in office, i have the opportunity to brush up my soft skills with aunties.

Ops, yes is aunties to me.

In the very beginning i'm quite sad with this job, there is no difference with role as office girl.
All odd job like faxing, filing, searching, folders and other stuff are performed by me.
Ticking admission and discharge report is my daily work.
Seriously, i don't know what on earth am i doing there and i totally feel discouraged.
The most frustrated is i felt 'injustice' there as there will be a communication breakdown with one of the aunt there and fault seems to be lies with me.

I started to source for other job and try to escape from there, giving myself a good excuse to quit once i find a 'perm' job even though i only need to commit till June or July.
But, all lies with my mentality.
I hate this job right from beginning and i begin to despise this job where God put me in.
Complaining to God doesnt help to cool me down, prayer doesnt work.
But i pray with wrong attitude, wrong words and worst request.

Despite of all these, God began to reveal to me that situation is not as worst as i thought.
Small things always warm up my heart when i began to receive help with gratitude in my heart.
I start to learn to speak to one of the perm staff with firm attitude.
As i choose not to entertain my mind but do my best just not to shame God's 'face', He will reveal even more and more truth to me.

Nothing is as joyful as learning and receiving new truth from God.

So i start not to worry about the small details and set my eyes upon god, god is teaching me this is an act of trusting God.

'Do Not Worry'
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

Have you notice the first Three Words?
Do not worry, the bible command us do not worry.
God did not advise us try not to be worry or less worry but He says DO NOT WORRY.

But wait God, this is call analyzing situation and planning for my 'future'.
I am not worry but i just want to get a bottom of what is going on with me and what injustice am i undergoing through.
So as usual, i start to think, ponder in my thoughts and worst speculation never fails to pops out.
Disappointed, discouragement and wrong disagreement comes out from my conclusion.

And at the end of the day, no result or conclusion can be made.
None.
Nothing.

All it comes along with is negative feelings and causes me to mood less in reading psalms.
This is the result of not listening to God and twisting with His words.
At the beginning if i take in His words and do not worry, none of negative feelings will come.
As i choose to NOT WORRY, stop thinking of 'injustice' my eyes finally unblock by my thoughts and i start to see the little wonder by God.
God never fails to give me little surprise, it is not because the perm staff there started to take in my words, not because of their small treat of snack but it is really the wonder work of God.
He change my attitude by telling me stop those excuses for having so many thoughts.
These excuses will drift me away from God's words only.

And have faith in Him, faith means trusting God and He has authority over everything, every person.
God you cant do anything in office? If you have this thought, please throw it away from your mind and delete it away.
Stepping out from church doesnt mean God is not with you.
You dont have to seek God in sunday only.
And dont underestimate His Authority, he rules over everything.

Woh, i never fail to stand in awe of God.
He never fails to reveal to me how mightily He is by speaking to me without changing the environment.
God, there is no word to describe you.
Because the even the words are created by you. Hallelujah

Gossip

2008-04-18T22:50:00.005+08:00

Is God your source of strength?
Is he your motivation that keeps you going everyday?

For me, unfortunately sleeping is my physical source of strength but there is no signification source of rest in soul.

But, He is my motivation for everyday.
All along my interest do not last long, and right now i still can't find any passion on anything except to God.
It is His Grace that I desire to hear his voice everyday =D

But i still wasn't consistent in doing QT everyday.
Sigh, relationship with God is conditional, i need to spend more time with God but not give my left over time to Him.

Working in Tan Tock Seng Hospital currently and all i can say is i'm experiencing that kind of bored which is indescribable in word.
It is a new experience and there are certain rules set but not meant for work. Haha
And the people are paid but not willing to work there.
There is still gossip but it is just difference in choice of words.
The only that will irritate me is the high tone level of gossip voice.
In that kind of prison, any single detail can be their subject of topic and it can last long in conversation.

It is a place to train my patience and interpersonal skill with aunties.

Aunties, (sigh, shake my head)

God is my motivation for everyday.

By the way, having type about gossip, each and everyone of us certainly ad and still currently gossiping about others.

No? Sharing with others what they share with you personally is a form of indirectly gossip.
Discuss about something behind the party is another.

It is very easy to fall into trap of gossip but it is very hard not to join the crowd.

We need God's strength and discipline in every single minute and every area.

Giving but not getting

2008-04-10T22:46:00.003+08:00

After reading a book, it speaks alot to me.
Many times we attend church with this question: What can i get out of church, Sunday school and cell?

But we forgot the cost of discipleship.
I been reminded not to be self center in spiritually.

I have never been diligence and consistently in fellowship with God.
Sigh, But i am not contented to be a sick and weak Christian.
This is our privilege but instead i perceive it as duty out for Christian.

God, you hear but Man are deaf to your voice.
In Jesus name, open our spiritual ears!

Faith, hope and love

2008-04-09T00:09:00.004+08:00

Since when i dwell in God's Love with my emotional and left out the important chapter, faith?

This important verse
But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
has totally reject by my mind.

Have you wonder why are you living like a lost sheep even you are a child of God?
Have you ever open your eyes and wonder why God since to leave you alone?
Did you wonder why are you so sad upon saying good bye to your friend despite you girls were still meet up next week?

I thank god for giving me biblical knowledge through SOL.

Emotional will deceived you.
I discover another flaw in my mind,
sometimes or most of the times I am lead by HEART but not by my MIND despite i am a more logical thinker.

It is so contrast, sometimes i will ponder on why i living so 'hard'?
Last year i'm been sensing God with mind and i eliminate all feelings that i have upon feeling God.
This year i'm been 'feeling' God and now God has reveal to me my emotional will deceive me.

It is so hard to find a balance and i'm trying with strength from Lord.

When i saw the ones who wear cross as neckless but do not truly know the magnificent meaning of Cross, i felt so angry and sad.
I can have dozen of reasons to support me of this feeling but it is not right.
Thank God for His grace to show me i am like a inspector now, keep spotting out others mistake without reflecting on my own.

And I know God made all of us as a leader because The first person we are going to lead is ourselves.

FAITH- It is very hard to have faith in God right now for me.
Despite of knowing this truth of with faith it is impossible to please God but i know my heart is still remain unfaith.
So my heart leads my mind, my actions and doing receive orders from my mind.
But do you know faith is to act out, not by feeling from heart.
As i mention, my emotion can deceive me.

I thought i am adult, but actually i'm still drinking milk.
I draw away from God's words just because i don't feel like reading it, but i forgot that without god's words feeding me, i will not grow up.
For the bible is God's word and it is full of light.
No one like to remain in darkness, i love light!

By the way, if you read My Paper today how do you think about the article on a couple being sued by court?

This couple, each divorced their respective spouses, had sex, and had two babies together.

Nothing went wrong? They love each other and why do the sociality cruelly separate them?
They are just meeting in a wrong time and wrong place, whatever reasons u can think from the drama scripts.
Let me add in two more words: father and daughter
This couple, father and daughter each divorced their respective spouses, had sex, and had two babies together.

Genetic Sexual Attraction, this is the subject of this article.

A very good article that speaks to me with your emotional can really deceive you.
Without God to guard your heart, you can, or will act like a beast, an animal.
Your ways can turn into very very ugly.

There are so many reasons that we can never praise God enough for.
Lets thank God for His grace.

Love from lord

2008-03-23T00:51:00.004+08:00

Today is the last night of sanctification, what can i say?
Jesus He love everyone of us as who we are but not how great our success.
I can truly feel this tonight, I'm so happy that i wanted to blog it down before sleeping.

Nothing is greater than Lord.
He forgive our failure and sin and love us for who we are.
I am still very afraid of God's discipline even at this every moment but i decided to take a big step towards commitment, Lord reveal more of your truth to me.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
I correct and discipline everyone I love. Take this seriously, and change the way you think and act.

Is not He a great Lord?
He love us and discipline all his love for the child Best, not just only for his good.
This Christianity Life is not easy to me and i know i hav'nt even experience 1% of all but it is worth when you know it will last for eternity.

I truly thank God for his salvation.
In the past the probability of being lead astray is very high but I'm quite behaving in some way.
Hallelujah, praise God for His wonder and keep me safe from S.a.tan.
At least now i don't have so many issues or burden to settle.

God has soften my heart and right now he is teaching me
NO MAN IS PERFECT.

And i thank God for leading me to make the commitment to Him.

My greatest success to this day is to know the greatest Lord, JESUS.

Let sing this song together to praise Lord:

Lord Of All

Verse 1:
shout praises to the holy One
God makes us strong we'll see His will be done
From the highest place He came to save us
We stand in the power of His name
salvation's work in our lives proclaim
living from the kingdom of hope within us.

Bridge 1:
shine Your light, be that city of light.

Chorus:
We're gonna shout out loud, its time to let it out
It's your life in me for all to see.
'Cause our God reigns always till the end of days
We're gonna stand strong, stand tall
'Cause Jesus Christ is Lord of all.

Verse 2:
God colors flowing through my life
I'm not the same now my heart desires
To see the whole world come to know You

Bridge 2:
I'll shine my light, be that city of light

chorus

Shout, shout we're gonna let it out
Shout, shout we're gonna let it out
shout, shout we're gonna shout Jesus is Lord.

The Art of rasing hands

2008-03-22T11:55:00.008+08:00

I'm been pondering why must we raise our hands while worshiping?

During worshiping, we can see all who seek god raise up their hands or kneel down when instruct by preacher or lead by holy spirit.
Be it those -who
walk closely and have intimacy relationship with god,
present there with reason or as request,
hope to seek god or hear his voice,
and last but not least, they don't truly know, understand or didn't make an effort to know who He is.

I remember the Encounter Camp i had attended in last year July and Pastor Roll briefly explained about why we raise our hands while worshiping:

- to stretch our hand to god for his love
like the kids who stretch out their hands to parents for love and attention.

- to receive HIS LOVE, GRACE or BLESSING
the theory is same as we use both hands to receive something from someone.

How about those who don't understand about GOD?
Follow as others do?
But their heart are harden towards God?
What is the point of doing so but their heart are closed to Lord in other days?

On Thursday Pastor Khong lead the whole church to reflect and make a decision during sanctification:
Are You desire for his blessings only or
You wanted his spirit to be with you?

It is the same as we stretch out our hands high in worship but we ignore His commandment or words in other days.

It is quite mix of feelings when i saw people claimed to be Christian but their actions doesn't match the words from their mouth.
It applies the same to me, i know i must make effort to communicate with my family but i didn't give in my best shot to it.
And i can easily come up with many excuses to cover this truth.
Although i know it certainly will affect the intimacy with God but i chose not to do anything.
It is time to remove all the vile that cover my heart.

Yes, will you do so?

(From Jesus)
Will you remove your vile that cover some hidden truth?
Were you continue to be a Sunday Christian or
truly be his son or daughter and desire for His spirit to be with you?

Even if we fail, but at least when we see Jesus face to face, we can tell him we had done our best =D

envy

2008-03-18T00:38:00.004+08:00

Is Sabbath a year to rest in God?
And we fail to rest in Him?
Why many ones seems undergoing through some suffering?

Even though right now situation for me doesn't seems to improve but i thank GOD for the peace inside me that he has blessed.

Sunday sermon preach about envy, is this the factor causes me to draw away from Lord?
The desire in my heart leads me to envy others.
Why am i only one who need to pray for peace in my house?
Why am i need to pray everyday to cast out the fears in my heart?

They don't know how much they have contribute to my fears.
They don't know there are times i really want to express my view but they thought i'm making trouble again.
They don't know how hard i tried to love them but i have failed.
There are times i tried to do things slowly just to reach home late and get to bed straightly.
But she just has her way to distress by throwing temper exclusive to me.
I know it wasn't her fault for this because no one teach her how to manage her emotion.
It wasn't her fault for keeping yelling at me for being selfish suddenly.
It wasn't her fault, then whose fault should it belong to?

At past my heart is close to them, i thought things will get better when i open up to them.
But it get worse, i was awake because of nightmare.
I'm so tire, so tired of accumulate fears everyday.

I am so envy of those who there are family members waiting for them at home.
I am so envy of those who can open up and share with their family.

Am i disappointing with God?

I hope there will be someone telling me i am thinking too much.
I don't want to understand how i felt towards them.
I hope there will be a chance for me to tell them how much i fear them, this family.
I hope they will see how many tissues i had used to wipe the tears on my face.
I hope to receive their encourage instead of a call for take away.
I hope they will love me.

But right now none of above has fulfill.

God teach me not to be disappointed with you.

But i know it is grace from Lord for all these.

He is leading me to Him and counsel me.
He is always beside me.
But God i can't feel the security from you.
Only since sermon i felt inner peace in my heart.

Thank God for all these, i know he is cheering me up =D

God thank you

2008-03-14T02:13:00.005+08:00

I spent a hour in typing previous post but i delete it away.
This is because i know this post did not carry any meaning to me, it is all crapping.

And as i view my blog and read the verse 1 Corinthians 13:4-13(scroll to top) leads me to wonder that since when i start to envy others?
I compare my blessing with others and began to angry with God.
I know He is protecting me but i cant help to get over this feeling.

Love is patient, love is kind.

My Love towards others does not seems patient anymore, it has dried out.
Am i being kind to them?
I don't know because i don't want to think anymore.

It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

I am eagerly in seeking myself because i lost myself in you, is that a good or bad?
And yes i felt angry easily when they don't appreciate my effort.
Most of all, i angry in myself because i know i harbor anger to you in my heart.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude..

God my love to you is completely opposite.
I feel tire in comparing myself with others, and i'm prideful when i see others inconsiderate.
I am rude to you right? Lord.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Yes, this is definitely true for God's LOVE to us.
He always protect you whenever you are and trust that you will come back to HIM.
He never give up His hope for you.

I don't understand God i don't like to collect my tears with tissue paper but why must u must my heart cry on you?

It keeps no record of wrongs.

But i do, i record how wrong their action was and the unanswered prayers.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Do i feel delight in your truth? Barely.

I am tired, Lord.

Love never fails. . .

But God i had fail u and i always think that you fail to work in me.
I know God you never fail in loving me.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.

My faith to you?
Sometimes bigger than a mountain, sometimes smaller than an ant.
I don't dare to hope from you because i scare you will put me in test again.
It is enough to me.
I trying my best to love you Lord.

For every verse that i memorize, GOD will put let me under going through the circumstances.

Should I praise GOD for teaching me His truth or blame Him for putting me in hardship and let me suffer all these?
Praise to HIM, because He is God.
I really Love God.

I Love you holy spirit

2008-03-09T22:19:00.005+08:00

Yesterday is a tiring day.
Hong and i was helping out at funfair organized by TYA held in ngee ann primary school.
We manage to get there early at 8am something to help out in tending one of the game stall.

The kids are quite obeying while queuing up to play the game.
And many of them are so cute, they keep going back to queue line so that they play again.
The biggest challenge is to run for the ping pong ball that drop to other stalls, we keep running to the stall beside to get the ball back.
As we help there, our biggest award is able to talk more with the kids there and put a smile on their face.

Seeing the kids, it leads me to think of taking care of the kids require big responsibility.
How well these kids grow up to be depending on the people they meet and their parents role in their life.

I once blame my parents for not show a good example to me, not disciplining and impart wrong values to me.
No one is there for me when i reach home, i receive a call few times a week to settle my dinner outside.
I remember once Pastor Khong preached this sentence in sermon, no one member is leaving behind in one family.

But i felt leaving behind.

Then i start to distance myself away from this family.
I need to bear the responsibility too.
I choose to blame them rather then open up my heart to them.
I expect them to change overnight and be the 'ideal' parents for me.

I remember i had read a book in TIMES while waiting for girls in last monday and the title is 'How to communicate with Teenages?'
This recall back my memory there are times they try understand me but i chose to close up the door in my heart.
There are many happy times we shared during my childhood but i only remember the ugliest part of them.
Actually All i want is their understanding.

I didnt try to improve my communication with them.

It is time to stop pointing fingers and start to do something.
And the greatest credit i need to thank is LORD.
Without him i still leaving in the dark.
I had failed Him many times but he chose to see the good side of me and delight in me.
His smile is always at there for me.

Isn't He a great Lord?
Seeing other religion always preach about SUCCESS and DOING BIG but they forgot it all starts with the smallest detail in their life.
I thank God for sharing with me HIS Everything.

Thursday

2008-03-05T15:31:00.007+08:00

Truth, Time and Grace.

These are the 3 elements for a person to change thats wrong.

Truth- I remember in late of January i begin to wonder, why didnt i make effort in doing qt anymore?
Since when i start to feel tire and worthless in doing qt?

{And when i flip back the pages of my journal, each page words are getting lesser.
Nothing else, just general of my thoughts.
Some days i even end with few sentences.

Does that mean i draw away from god already? Backslide Him?
I deny myself.
But deep in my heart i know what is going wrong.

Till last friday cell group, and an confirmation came upon me, yes.
I was also been reminded Perseverance. Keep on running for GOD!
I asked God why am i only in cell who need to be so hard and tough in walking with you.
I know from the beginning it is not going to be easy, but i didnt expect to be so tough.

Compare to those ones that i met, why they can be so free and easy staying beside u but not me?
Why must i keep asking myself so many questions in order draw more closer to u?
Why must u dig out feelings inside my heart that i totally pour out of my mind?
You are bias, god. }

Anyway Lord show me this verse:

Romans 12:2 (New International Version)

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Renewing my mind? Even tougher.

Then Rox remind me in monday that at the end of day, Jesus he will know me.
Every Child of God will go through this stage.

Time- yes this is a test for me and time will be days of my life. Haha

Grace- Thank God He has set tons of grace for me.
And now i know every man will fail. I didnt expect me to be fail, but i did.
His grace to me? Continue to teach me his words and faithfully waiting for me to go back to him.

And yes now i did, i know him but i'm not his close friend yet because i havnt recognize his voice.
So, i need to learn The Art of Listening To His Voice.

I dont just want to listen through Bible only, but everyday, every second.

This chapter is special dedicate to one of my dear sister.

Mark 7: 17-23 (*Please Read the whole chapter of 7)

17After he had left the crowd and entered the house, his disciples asked him about this parable. 18"Are you so dull?" he asked. "Don't you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him 'unclean'? 19For it doesn't go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body." (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods "clean.")

20He went on: "What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean.' 21For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' '

Got it? =D

Whats goes in from your mouth wont make your heart dirty.
What comes out from your heart will make you beautiful and clean.
You are a clean child of God.
So dont always get your nerves tense when u spot something 'dirty' in your room.
Nothing will make u dirty then your thoughts.
So dont torture yourself for dirts, and remember we all are big dirts too, haha.

Third day

2008-02-20T17:35:00.005+08:00

Photos times!
Is been long long time since i upload photo to my blog.

These phtotos are taken in park way parade when window shopping with flexi's mummy,ah hoon.

This photo is taken outside SIM with chavonne.
The drink i drank is Dinosaur Milo and is very nice and cheap.

This is taken with Li Wee mei mei in the train to SOL.

And today is 3rd day of fasting.
I'm still learning to focus myself on Jesus, the Lord.

Matthew 9:14-17 (New International Version)

Jesus Questioned About Fasting

14Then John's disciples came and asked him, "How is it that we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?"

15Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.

16"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. 17Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

Matthew 6:16-18 (New International Version)

Fasting

16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

God, what are u trying to teach me?
And, i been reminded that GOD is my source of JOY& BLESSING, PROVIDER.

2nd day of fasting

2008-02-19T10:12:00.000+08:00

I have been pondering what to do, what not to do in the coming fasting days.
But, again i lost my focus, i forgot to focus on my dear Jesus.

Thank Him for gently draw me back my attention to him.

And i know the next thing he wants me to learn is FOCUS ON HIM.

I like to know the reason for every act and these often cause me to lost focus in the beginning.

Why must we fast from television and games?

This is because many ones spend too much time on these.
But not me. Computer is the one who draw my attention away.
I can sit in front of screen and spend hrs on it easily.
So what is the point of fasting from tv and games but i spend my time on other things?
So i make a little rule for myself, i limit myself in spending time to computer from today onwards.

And Jesus die for us without any reason, his unconditional love for us does not attach without any reason.
Why should i keep focus on the reasoning but not on him?

Back to Jesus, i'm sure he wants to teach me something else, ABOUT HIM.
Learn about his truth.
He long to share everything about him to you.
But first of all, you must focus yourself on him.
It is a choice for you to make,
but this is the only act you need to do to receive his love.
FOCUS ON HIM, thats all.
Every time i doubt on him, seeking his love, and even cry to him but i did not focus on him.
I forgot a basic truth, in order to draw closer to him, first we must focus on him.

"Will you turn your eyes to me?" -Jesus

40 Days Fasting

2008-02-18T01:58:00.000+08:00

Today during sermon, Pastor Khong lead the whole church members to do FASTING for 40 days.

We are require to fast from -Television,
-Electronic Games (including handphone games)
-Fast from One Meal a day
The most important thing is spend 1 hour daily with GOD.

Woh sounds interesting and a challenge to me.

[I love to prove myself (this has been going in and out in my mind).
Ok, never mind because i'm not that kind of catching drama everyday and stick my eyes to the television set at home although recently i do watch 9pm VV show.
No online games? Haha i had quit MAPLE for long long time and i dont even remember my login ID and password. Woh ho, easy task~ ]

My thoughts during the sermon when i was crossing my arm and sitting on the chair.

But, holy spirit remind me,
What is the purpose for fasting 40 DAYS?

Was it to save the earth, save electricity? Of course not (ALL play a part in saving earth but this is absolutely not the whole purpose of fasting.

For me, although i don't want to admit this but it is a fact that sometimes i rather catch a 43 min show then spending this time with GOD.
My passion to God is getting smaller.
I don't delight in GOD so frequently and GOD doesnt always answer my prayer, what is the point of praying and chatting with GOD?

(I want GOD, Jesus you to be proud in me,
you will not waste your time in nurturing me.
God i will not shame you so i will discipline myself in every area of my life)
At the past this thought is keeping me going to grow spiritually with GOD.
But recently many things and thoughts is drifting me from God.

And today is the first time i absence myself from SOL1.
It is true that my headache and whole body tire when i'm awake in morning,but all these is just excuses, i can attend if i want.

What is the equipping for when there is no passion for GOD?

What is the singing for when you doesnt mean from your heart during worship?

Recently i am quit upset and felt i'm being left out.
Few things causes me to have this feeling, i didnt receive an sms from TYA that i suppose to receive. ( NVM, maybe that person forgot..)

Second, QQS leader didnt call me but rainbow receive her call on last Friday to for confirmation on yesterday orientation. Haha, ok maybe this is because my phone battery is flat.
But i keep my phone on for this wk, no call from her...
( Ok, maybe she forgot to call me or she is busy with something else)

Third, i was stunned when my friend sms me to ask my result. When is our result ready to be collect? I didnt receive the email she mention. What if she didnt ask me?
(Again, why everytime i was being left out when i suppose to be inform?)

Fourth, I was expected a call from RE but i wait for 2 wks and no one contact me.
(Forget it, i'm immune to all this. Anyway it wasnt the first time.
Forget it, every time I'm being left out, Jesus you will left me out in your plan like others do too.)

But, when is the last time i seek in GOD presence?
When is the last time i do things just purely to delight in GOD?
Most important thing is, when is the last time i tell GOD i love you?

(Naysa

This part is dedicated to my beloved cousin, yi zi, from God to her...

Once a little girl came seeking after me, I speak to her gently with comforting words, I said:"here i am my daughter..." but she could not hear me, her ears was covered by the evil's one voice saying to her,"God did not love you, so he will not answer your prayers...". I am standing beside her, but she could not see me, because her eyes are so distracted by the world. When she laughed and when she cried, when she is pondering about many things in her life and couldnt get any solutions or ways, when she couldnt make sense out of everything, I saw everything. Did you call my name? Did you knock my door? Did you drink of me? Did you hold on to me?

Even though she could not hear nor see, I loved her. Deep within me, I loved her. I held her, hold her. I have never leave. I have any forsaken her. All along this difficult journey, I am always there. All I want, is for you to turn your eyes on me. Will you turn your eyes to me for this time? Will you turn your eyes to me? To me, to me...

Jesus )
God love to the extent where he speak to me through my dearest cousin, Jesus he is so crazy for his LOVE-one he love=D.

Thanks so much to my cousin, my tears almost fall when i read this post, but i hold it back =p

I got to learn to deny myself.

God's love is just gentle.
All he wants is our LOVE.
He longed for you, and treasure your relationship with him. But did you?

Jesus is walking towards us and waiting for our response, did we reply him?

Thanks for this 40days fasting, i know for me God want to reveal to me that
HE really loves me and hunger and treasure this relationship with me more than i do.
God is really crazy about us, about me.

For this time, GOD let me be crazy in you.
For this 40days period i want myself to be totally manifesting by GOD.
I will not question myself what will happen after 40days, let me concentrate on it.

And i want to tell you from my heart that I LOVE YOU.
These words were come out from my heart but not from my mouth.

Praise God for all theses, if you praise GOD, you will know how greatly and almighty he has work in your life.

From The Inside Out

2008-02-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United, album: United We Stand (2006)

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I fall in first sight (or hear?) for this song
when i first hear this song during service.

The lyrics is very meaningful to me.
It reminded me that we are made to praise lord.
Why?
I praise God because he is Lord of all, nothing else.

God's light will shine when all else fades,
i can picture that when sun is rising,
the whole world street lamp lights is cover by this amazing light.

TV drama always bring out this message: Man cannot defeat nature,
but for me i think that nature's purpose are not to put down human.
Nature is God's work,
is to bring out a message from God that He is amazing.

Everlasting Lord!

From right beginning of psalms 1, my heart cannot calm down when i read.
I dont understand that why i'm now complaining to God everyday
since the start of psalm 1.

I reject this thought with my strength, but the more i resist,
the more i feel troubled and disturbing with myself.

I want to settle this emotion immediately,
and my solution of settle this is to start pushing the anger, unsettlement,
insecurity and fear that harbour in my heart to everything i do.

I feel irritate when reading psalms,
i feel angry when god did not answer my prayers or comfort my heart.

But i assume that this is not right thinking and
i want my spiritual heart to be healthy,
so i minimize the anger in my heart and try not to pay attention to it.
Slowly it develop into disappointment and hopeless to everything.

I feel hopeless in praying.
I dont feel like praying during quiet time,
whats the point after u pour out your feelings to god?

This have been going in my mind.

I hope to find someone to chat but everyone seems busy and recently festivals
and outing is keeping me busy to the point i forgot to resolve this feeling.

And i start to feel hopeless to people surrounding me.
This is not correct attitude i should have,
so once again i minimize this feeling.

I want to praise Lord,
but the words coming from my mouth doesnt match the feelings in my heart.

I dont understand why i have to through this, i hate it.
Whenever i have deceive myself that i'm ok already and i thought i'm really ok,
God has his way to remind me again.
I want to find out whats wrong with me but
this thought really makes me think that there is something wrong with me.

I want to share this but i dont know how to start from.

I don't want to go to service with many emotion burdens.

But thank god for this service today.

Be still and know that i am Lord, isn't it my year verse this year?

Biggest of all, the most hopeless i felt to is myself.

The cry from my heart is not to praise Lord, but to grumble about God.

By giving ALL ATTENTION to problem, we are allowing PROBLEM to run our lives.

I didnt calm myself down, when i meet problem,
i want to settle this before moving forward.

In fact when u start worry about something,
it will gather your thoughts and form to a seed and grow
to a plant call problem.

I was struck when typing these,
so i took around 40mins to stroll below my block.

How i wish i'm living near sea, so i can view night sight of sea.

This period of time is reminding me to HAVE FAITH.

This is a time of faith. =)

Dr Gary Blessing

2008-02-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

Music and lyrics by LORD.
Sing by Dr Gary

So many things upon your mind.

So many distractions keep you away from me.

Here I am… I am the Father God who loves you.
God reign… everything will be alright.

Rejoice. Everything will be alright.
You’ll see God’s love healing you…

You’ll see the joy of the Lord. Now be at peace.
Don’t worry about all these things and trust God.

He loves you and He will work in your life.
Now receive your healing in Jesus name.

Be bless. Be bless.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last week we went to Bible Society to attend Dr Gary's lesson.

And i'm one of them who is hoping to receive prophecy from him provided if God is speaking through him.

When my turn comes, i received a song from him.

Rox & Leo has help me to record down with their hp and rox has type out the lyrics for us.
Thanks.

Tml is chinese new year, but i dont really look forward for tml coming. God, please lift up my mood!~

new link

2008-02-01T15:42:00.000+08:00

Yah, i had change my entire blog & link.

Although is simple, but i love it.

Just now when i read my previous post from 2006, i found that all my posts are about complaining.
It is quite fun when i read through them and i just couldnt believe that was me!

Who was that typing?
I can't imagine all the vulgar words in post are type by me.

Thank God for transform me. Praise to Him.

I can't bear to delete it because it contain my journal from 2006 to last year.
Full of memories contain in the posts.

I don't remember since when i stop posting my outing in blog.
Since when i stop express my anger through words?
Since when i start express my emotion feelings with words?

Haha, only God knows xD